Back to gatekeeping.
And secret handshakes while we're at it.
It’s the anti-gatekeepers that are entitled. Once a controversial take, the idea of gatekeeping a contact, a name of a restaurant with the best steak frites, your favorite travel stay, name of your perfume, even where you bought an article of clothing or jewelry, can we just finally say that those who felt it wrong not to divulge pertinent information is indeed the reason why gatekeeping even exists?
People always want your recipe. In itself, there’s nothing wrong about that, but you shouldn’t give away the recipe. (Not unless it comes with a book publishing deal) The recipe that after you painstakingly went through a dozen trials and errors to perfecting the perfect sauce, why would you give it away to just anyone? People steal ideas, recipes, looks, creative projects, places that mean something to you but not to themselves and they’ll just ruin it for you and likely for everyone else.
Gatekeepers should hang with other gatekeepers.
It’s hard to thrive when you know that a thought barracuda is hovering over your shoulder, but that’s the risk you take especially when it comes to creating something out of your own brainchild. Take a vintage silver platter, the one you find at very good flea markets, remnants from grandmother collections of yesteryears. Someone thought, let’s try putting my $600 sunglasses, a Le Labo perfume bottle, a favorite pen, a lipgloss, this, this and this, yes, it looks chic for some reason. Snap and upload. Too many likes, reshares and screenshots and two months later it becomes an art direction piece for a major beauty brand. You see it and realize that what you created, someone had stolen the idea, copied every part of your original image and made it their own to sell a liquid blush. This act of stolen identity and work happens everyday, twice a day and it’ll never stop because people love shortcuts. Your self-expression, whether it’s visual or written word, is important to someone else if they don’t want to do the work themselves.
“I don’t gatekeep” is the new way of saying, “Actually, I stole this off of someone else.” Let’s be honest, when you find or experience something that is so worthwhile, that is so specific to you, you know in your gut that nobody needs to know about this. All the wrong people don’t need to know about this. If you do want to share, limit your information, compress your emotions about it, and only tell one or two people that you know aren’t content creators (haha) and that understands your taste level and respects that. I rarely ever share restaurants that I truly love going to whether it’s for a solo meal or the spot where I take my favorite people. I tell only a few in hopes that they’ll really love it too and they’re not blabbermouths. Gatekeepers should hang with other gatekeepers.
The hidden gems that you’ve stumbled upon, a bookstore, a shop where you tasted the best macarons since your last trip to Paris, a second hand store that everytime you walk into has the best items at not insane prices. But once you tell the wrong ears, the next time you shop there, it’s a bit more crowded and the prices have definitely gone up. All these things and experiences are without a doubt selfish to keep to yourself, but what about your sanity and livelihood? Don’t they matter and come at a cost? To gatekeep something responsibly, you have to remember that it’s because not everything is for everyone.
Oversharing has become the death not only to creativity, ingenuity and valued skillsets. Inevitably oversharing is what led us to AI. People no longer want homework, just give us the answers. Let me see what you’ve already done and I can do that too, that’s what all content creation looks like these days.
Recently at a friend’s birthday, I sat next to a co-worker of hers, a friendly woman dressed in her best millennial basics. I was wearing this v-neck Miu Miu sweater that I bought off The RealReal and she complimented me on it, then asked where it’s from. I hate saying the designer label to someone I don’t know at all. But, here I was after two glasses of chards ready to dole out the 411. Except I only said The RealReal. Then an acquaintance from across the table said too loudly, “is that Miu Miu?” To which my friend’s co-worker said to the person next to her, “You could buy that same style at Uniqlo for way cheaper.” I had to subside my inner growl and made an excuse to get up and move myself away from the now overjudging co-worker. That incident shouldn’t be bothersome, but it affected me on the wellness scale.. Of course Uniqlo is more affordable, everyone knows that. Yet she felt the need to belittle what I was wearing, a treasured find that had been bookmarked for months before being able to purchase it at the right sale price. Sale price bitch! And it’s from five seasons ago! is what I wanted to yell back at her, this person who doesn’t know me at all. She doesn’t know that I am a research consumer. I seldom walk into a store and buy things, I tend to do the research before I get there. So from now on when a stranger or even an acquaintance asks where I got something, my answer will be that it’s vintage off eBay or some shop in Japan. Had I said that to my friend’s co-worker I wouldn’t have spent the entire two hours avoiding her like the plague. It’s icky to act like you’re entitled to have access to something.
The gatekeeper needs to be revered as someone who does the work, likes what she likes and understands that not everyone needs to like it all the same. That is what gatekeeping is, it’s not to be mean or hoarding. It’s guarding the good things in life so that it can find the right person who also finds appreciation in it.
〰️ now hiring 〰️
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〰️ 5 good things 〰️
Is This Thing On (Hulu, Disney) starring Will Arnett who finds therapy and a new life direction when he secretly starts doing stand-up during his depressing divorce. Based on a true story, I found this film real and heartwarming and I want to thank Bradley Cooper who directed it, for the scene with the kids singing Under Pressure by David Bowie. A cinematic takeaway from the film that was a perfect pay-off.
BTS new album Arirang. Haven’t stopped listening to “Merry Go Round”, “Swim” and 2.0, which the music video for is supreme style.
Sephora sale starts today. I’ll be restocking up on Biodance Collagen sheet masks, Saie dew blush, Caudalie serum, rhode glazing milk, and have been very curious about this fragrance brand Lore.
🔒,
dnamag
We gatekeeping ⚜️